Balderdash

A Hairdo Worth $9.45…

2010-09-08T12:30:00.002-05:00

But yet…

2010-04-01T12:40:00.002-05:00

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master. Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. I feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us!

Can't Wait

2009-09-17T20:56:00.002-05:00

I'm getting ready for my first cruise. I am going to Nassau, Bahamas. Can't wait...

Skank Robbers

2009-06-29T22:12:00.000-05:00

Could Be Worse

2009-06-24T10:08:00.001-05:00

I have $50 to live off of until next Tuesday.

My car needs to go in the shop. I am riding on a donut. And I owe
people money.

I have gas in my car and food in my fridge.

Life is sweet!

Turn The Other Cheek... So This Punch Is More Solid.

2009-06-18T19:54:00.002-05:00

Everytime I see that car commercial that states if you lose your job, you can bring the car back, I have to stop and think. When I first heard it, I thought, "Great! That's a pretty kewl guarantee."

Then I started thinking, "Well, damn. I lost my job, and now I'm losing my car."

A reach-around sounds great until you realize that it is just a distraction from what's coming next.

Think Twice

2009-04-13T10:24:00.001-05:00

I was in the biggest black hole this side of Huntsville - yes, Wal-
mart. A lady and her husband were shopping for yogurt. She told him to
buy the box of yogurt because it was cheaper. He said he wanted to get
the individual ones so that he could get the kind he wanted. He chose
6. She made the comment as they walked off, "I can't believe you just
paid $3 for yogurt when we could have gotten that whole box for $4."

I looked when they walked off. There were 8 in the box.

Shrugging that off, I was driving home talking to a friend of mine. I
made the comment, "When I get home there won't be a parking site in
space." Touché, Wal-mart lady, touché.

Sony Ericcson Tennis Classic

2009-04-02T20:57:00.002-05:00

I am just watching Venus and Serena play at the Sony Ericsson... It started off slow but seems to be picking up.

If Serena looses, she looses her number 1 seat to someone other than her sister. That's interesting thinking of it from both sisters' points of view. Serena naturally doesn't want to loose her ranking. I'm sure Venus doesn't want to be the one to take it from her, unless she is the one who takes it...

Keep watching!

Blah!

2009-02-03T18:47:00.000-06:00

A new year. Same old s**t!

Thank God For Providing!!!

2008-12-19T19:10:00.003-06:00

I got it!

Yep, I Did It!!!

2008-12-10T18:25:00.005-06:00

Well, I don't think I am an iPenis (Defined.), but I am definitely hooked!!!

I MY...

I H8 DIS 2!!!

2008-11-24T20:01:00.003-06:00

What irks you about text messages? Me...

I can't stand for someone to ask me a question through a text and when I answer, they text back with "k." Was that really necessary?
I can't stand when someone uses an abbreviation or acronym (I'm sure there's a word for those damn things.) that is not common knowledge or easily figured out. I can deal with 'idk' as 'I don't know,' but am I supposed to understand that 'me2ul8r' is common for 'meet you later'? If I stare at it long enough, I might figure it out but that pisses me off.
If you text me with 'Sup?' and I answer 'Not much. U?,' why the hell would you text me back with 'r u sleep'? -Yes it happened!

What pisses you off about text messages? -And --M you can't answer back with "Text messages themselves."

Bucket List

2008-11-20T22:50:00.002-06:00

Burn a mattress in the middle of the redundant red light/4-way stop in Cherokee.
Burn the midnight oil in the Caribbean.
Burn rubber on the Autobahn.

Not necessarily in that order. Your list?

Cutie... I want him!!!

2008-11-13T20:47:00.003-06:00

Guilty By Association

2008-10-30T14:32:00.003-05:00

I was merrily reading through the headlines on Google News. The local Birmingham news articles were listed and, mind you, they were listed as related articles. The 3 article titles follow:

Man hospitalized after he was assaulted in north Birmingham
Halloween fun for kids at Birmingham Police precincts
Birmingham man critical after being beaten and burned

What?!? Why were those related? I thought they were saying that some kids having Halloween fun burned a beat a man. No! They were totally unrelated articles. Weird...

It's In My Chest

2008-10-28T21:06:00.002-05:00

Looks like I'm coming down with a cold again... I get the flu shot, I get sick. I don't get the flu shot, I get sick. I can't win for losing.

Speaking Of That Idiotic Little Town

2008-10-27T15:29:00.003-05:00

How about... I got the cops called on me! Can you believe it? Ok, I was out for a quaint (I love that word.), little walk.

Map

For those who care, which amounts to exactly zero, that was about 14.2 miles according to Google Maps. Along the way, I picked up a stick that I found to use as a walking stick. The walk took about 4 hours and as I got within 50 yards of the finish, a cop pulls up next to me and turns on his blue lights. "Well this is strange," I thought. "Was I walking too fast?" Nope, I was walking in Cherokee. I think that's a crime within itself. The cop said that he had received a call that there was an escapee walking the streets of Cherokee! The reporter, i.e. idiot, said that the escapee, i.e. me, was wearing an orange prison-issued uniform and carrying a large stick. The stick was a yard long tree branch that would have snapped if I had put too much weight on it and the the outfit was a red Adidas outfit that was paid for by me and not the taxpayers of Alabama. The cop and I had a good laugh about it and I went on my way, but the more I thought about it, the madder I got.

Now I remember why I moved from Cherokee.

Weird Sign in a Weird Town

2008-10-27T14:39:00.002-05:00

I was going for a walk though my quaint Cherokee town when something strange caught my eye. On the marquee that is proudly planted in front of the school, there is a message reading "Cherokee Elementary School - Cheating Everyday." I stood there for a few minutes trying to figure it out but then I gave up. I grew up in this town and have learned to think as a Cherokee native taking considerable care to shield the part of my brain used for thinking, and I could not for the life of me figure out what was meant by this sign other than the obvious. Cherokee never ceases to amaze, stun, and stunt cognitive growth.

Keep The Prayers Coming

2008-10-27T09:17:00.001-05:00

My prayers go out to Jennifer Hudson and family.

2 Years!!!

2008-10-26T20:02:00.000-05:00

Wow, it has been 2 years since I have posted here. I suck... No comments, Matt. I keep saying that I will try to do better but I guess this blogging stuff is not really for me but I will try to do better.

Say It Ain't So!

2006-11-18T19:49:00.000-06:00

'50s R&B star Ruth Brown dies at 78 - R&B/SOUL MUSIC - MSNBC.com

If I can't sell it... I'll keep sitting on it!

Wow!

2006-10-06T02:55:00.000-05:00

This thing is still up... Guess I will start using it...

Da Vinci Code 2

2005-11-28T23:33:00.000-06:00

This one took me about an hour also, but I will say it is harder than the first. Google is your friend.

Da Vinci Code 2

Da Vinci Code 1

2005-11-28T00:01:00.000-06:00

This one took me about an hour. That's the longest I have ever concentrated on anything...

Da Vinci Code 1.

Japanese IQ Puzzle

2005-11-27T12:30:00.000-06:00

As you know, I love logic puzzles. I have been trying to find a purpose for my blog. Maybe logic puzzles is the thing... Anyway, enjoy this one.

Japanese Logic Puzzle

The following rules apply:
- Only 2 persons on the raft at a time.
- The father can not stay with any of the daughters without her mother present.
- The mother can not stay with any of the sons without his father present.
- The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the policeman is not there.
- Only the father, the mother and the policeman know how to operate the raft.

To move the people click on them. To move the raft click on the pole on
the opposite side of the river.

Goodluck!

2 * 2 = 5

2005-11-19T23:50:00.000-06:00

I overheard a few guys talking about a str8 guy who was hanging out with gay guys. They were making comments about how if he keeps hanging out with them he was going to end up gay. This angered me, not because I am gay but because it was the most ludicrous thing I had ever heard. I interjected. I informed them that hanging out with gays will make you no more gay than hanging out with geniuses will make you a genius. They all looked at me as if I were the idiot. Then one of the Neanderthals had the nerve to ask me, with a confident smile on his face, "I guess you have never heard of AIDS?" Then he stared at me with a gotcha smile on his face. ...I almost threw up. All I could do was beg him searingly, "Please never procreate."

The idiots are multiplying.

They are not doing math!

2005-11-05T22:44:00.000-06:00

Help! The idiots are multiplying!

What on God's green earth is going on? There are situations occurring on a daily basis that make you go, "What the hell was that?" It's time to start documenting them for the ages. Whenever you hear someone say something stupid, please list it here.

Been too long...

2005-10-30T21:56:00.000-06:00

Sorry I have been away for so long. I have had a lot going on. I will try to stay in touch a little better.

Why, Katrina? Why?

2005-08-30T18:36:00.000-05:00

Well, Katrina came through last night and stole a few things from me. First, I wrecked my car yesterday. Long story, not my fault, can't prove it by looking. It only made a dent on the front of my car, which blends in nicely with all the other dents, but it's the principle. I want a new car.

But more importantly, my power has been out since last night. It is not projected to be back on until tomorrow night! I shouldn't be expected to go to work. I think I will call in...

I'm hungry...

2005-08-22T19:26:00.000-05:00

I am just a little bit hungry and a lot a bit broke. Why is it that I always have too much week at the end of my money? I have to learn to budget. Aaaaa... Screw that! I'll just take this money that I was budgeting and go eat... I'm happy now...

Just following orders...

2005-08-16T20:09:00.000-05:00

1. Reply with your name and I’ll respond with something random about you.

2. I’ll tell you what song/movie/book/fictional character reminds me of you.

3. I’ll pick a substance to wrestle with you in.

4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me. Or at least me.

5. I’ll tell you my favorite memory of you.

6. I’ll tell you what animal or plant you remind me of.

7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.

8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

I would call a cop, but the PD probably closes at 9!

2005-08-08T20:44:00.000-05:00

What the heck is wrong with Birmingham?!?

I am here, hungry, in need of nourishment, and everything is closed. I get out of class at 9:45 pm. Birmingham closes down at 9. I get my mouth all fixed for a pig in a blanket and the BBQ place that I like closes at 9. I pull myself together, wipe away the tears, and decide on a good combo from Wendy's. Now they have a great deal where you can sub your fries for a baked potato or a salad. That sounded good. I got smart and called before I went. Get this, they were out of baked potatoes. Why on God's green earth would you stay open until 1 or 2 in the morning and not carry your full line of choices to the finish line. I hate Birmingham. I made a final compromise. I decided to get a salad instead. They are out of salads. AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Who do I complain to? I guess you guys...

Ordinary...

2005-08-05T17:58:00.000-05:00

Nothing interesting happened today. Same old, same old. Work and home. One good thing, my friend, Orlando, flew in from Texas. I am about to go and pick him up. His cousin is coming in from Florida and we are all going bowling tonight. Too bad I have to work in the morning... (This would be a good place for a frown emoticon but I hate emoticons!)

I'm happy!

2005-08-04T22:43:00.000-05:00

Hey Matt. I am so happy you decided to join my fun here. I added a link at the left to your blog. I hope that's ok. I can't wait to get posting. Just wish I had something to talk about...

First blog

2005-08-03T21:50:00.000-05:00

This is only a test... If this had been an actual blog, it would have contained some nonessential information...